Foreign Object
By Metalhead [ metal.head@zoom.co.uk ]

Hey Hey Kids, and welcome to the nifty ninth edition of Foreign Object!

How's it going? It's been a fun couple of weeks in my world...I took my first-ever trip to the States and had a truly magnificent time in New York, due in no small part to the great time I had with my girlfriend, the one and only Ellen Cohen. Thank you for showing me such a fantastic time, sugar...I hope the sore throat is better, and that the honey helped.

My hotel was right opposite Madison Square Garden so I had to take a stroll around the nearest thing that WWE has to a home field, and I made a point of visiting The World in Times Square, although it was extremely sad to see it boarded up and desolate. I always held a dream that I would get to visit the place one day, and I suppose I kinda did, but not quite in the way I imagined.

In the UK, bars close at 11pm. I urge my fellow Brits to remember this when they are pacing themselves whilst out drinking in New York, as the bars out there seem to close pretty much whenever they feel like. My hosts found me in the bathroom of Jimmy Ryan's in the Bronx, semi-conscious and praying to the great white porcelain Gods, Ralph and Huey.

One thing I made Ellen promise was that we would get to watch Raw and Smackdown together, so I could explore the differences between the ways that WWE programming is shown in the UK and the US. This, of course, wasn't a problem as Ellen always watches the shows to research her twice-weekly 'Feud-O-Meter' columns over at The Pro Wrestling Torch, and she was only too glad to have her man add his opinions to her notes.

The first thing I learned is that it is a commonly held misconception that we don't get to see chairshots and other PG-13 content here in the UK. Not exactly true, but it really depends what time you watch the shows.

WWE is only shown on the Sky network, and for the benefit of my US readers, Sky is the UK satellite TV network, the only real alternative if you want something other than just the bog-standard five channels. A subscription to all the basic Sky channels, excluding any of the additional subscription movie and sports channels weighs in at £19.50 ($30 approx) per month. Of course, you can tailor-make your own channel package and pick and choose which subscription channels you get, but a full package of all the basic channels, along with all the movie and sports channels costs £40 per month (approx $60). Last year, seven of WWE's annual PPVs were shown on the subscription channels, and four of them were shown as true Pay Per View events, costing £14.99 ($20 approx) each. Armageddon was not shown anywhere in the UK last year, but I believe that Sentana Sport have picked up the rights to this for 2004, along with the other true PPV events. And let's not forget Insurrextion and Rebellion, the two UK-only PPVs (which are really nothing more than glorified house shows) which also go at £14.99 a shot.

Raw is shown Friday nights at around 10pm on one of the Sky Sports subscription channels, and repeated at some God-awful hour on Saturday morning on the same channels. Both of these include chairshots, acts of violence against on the WWE DivasT and just about everything our American counterparts enjoy. Smackdown is a slightly different matter. This is shown at 10am on Saturday morning on Sky One, one of the standard channels in a basic Sky package, and repeated at around 6pm on Sky One Mix. Both of these showings are in a censored form, so whenever a chair or other Foreign Object is used, or anything that might otherwise be considered offensive is shown, we are instead treated to a cutaway shot of crowd footage and just the audio of the offending action. Also, any profane language is bleeped out. But then, at around 10pm on Saturday night and stupid o'clock on Sunday morning, Smackdown follows the pattern of Raw and is shown on one of the Sky Sports subscription only channels. And also like Raw, it is uncut. Weekdays, we also get Velocity, Afterburn and The Bottom Line , all of which are cut in their early morning showings, and uncut at night. And of course, Thursday nights we are treated to WWE Classics, which really has no need to be censored, and doesn't really live up to it's name as nowadays it's all old WCW footage. We don't see Confidential in any way, shape or form, and Ellen tells me that we should really be quite thankful for that.

One of the major differences during the in the shows is the fact that in the US, there are a number of advertisements for upcoming house shows. It would be pointless to show this in the UK (although we do get advertisements on the rare occasion that there are UK house shows, but these are also largely pointless as the shows sell out in minutes), so we usually get one of the 'Desire' videos, a 'Don't Try This At Home' commercial or some other filler in its place. And whenever you guys get audio of either JR or Michael Cole in the US giving information on how to purchase the next PPV, we get an audio dub of the same guys giving the same information, but relevant to the UK. Also irrelevant to us here in the UK are the mentions of the US sponsors of the shows, which are edited out of our broadcasts.

So there you have it...it's not cheap to be a WWE fan in the UK, but if you subscribe to Sky for things other than WWE (there's no other way to see Premier League Soccer for example), then it all balances out.

Now, I hate to say I told you so, but...well, you know where I'm going with that! In my previous column, my #1 Prediction for 2004 was that Chris Benoit will have his breakout year, and this will start with Mr. Silent but Violent winning the Royal Rumble. Woohoo! Go me!

I always look forward to the Royal Rumble; it's one of my favourite PPVs, mainly because I'm a huge mark for the Rumble match itself. The PPV always seems to have the feel of a big event, and of course it's the show that well and truly sets us on the road to Wrestlemania...which is shaping up to be an absolute monster of a card. But back to the Rumble for the time being...I stayed up until 3.45am GMT to watch the whole thing (not the wisest move I could have made as I had to be up for work at 8am, but hey, it's only once a month, and I'm pretty sure my colleagues are used to seeing me semi-comatose by now.), as did my housemate, Joe. Although a smart fan to a degree, Joe reverts to markdom a lot more often than I do, and is therefore a good co-pilot on these little adventures. The following is taken directly from my hand-written notes during the show, so here I share with you my thoughts as they occurred to me, both prior to and during the event. And this time, I'll even try to get the formatting right!

Prior Thoughts

First of all, you already know that I called Benoit to win the Royal Rumble itself a couple of weeks ago, as soon as he was announced as the number one entrant. Joe agreed with me about Benoit, but went on the record as saying that someone would be withdrawn from the Rumble match so that Mick Foley could make an appearance. He also predicted that The Big Show would appear in the mid-teens and get bundled out by a bunch of guys, that Hurricane would appear in the mid-20s, do a couple of comedy spots and then quickly get eliminated, and that Kane would show up when the ring was full and eliminate a whole butt-load of people. We also made our traditional bet on who would be the first person through the Spanish Announce Table, with me taking Triple H and Joe going for HBK.

I also went as far as to give winning odds to all the Superstars in the Rumble.

Chris Benoit - Even Money
Goldberg - 2/1
John Cena - 3/1
Randy Orton / Kurt Angle - 5/1
Chris Jericho / Kane - 8/1
Rob Van Dam / Booker T / Big Show - 12/1
Mark Henry - 25/1
Test / Rikishi / Christian / Matt Hardy / Rhyno / Scott Steiner / Matt Morgan / A-Train - 50/1
Charlie Haas / Shelton Benjamin / Rene Dupree / Billy Gunn / Bradshaw / Rico / The Cat - 100/1
Nunzio / Tajiri / The Hurricane - 500/1
Spike Dudley - 1000/1

I also thought about the fact that no-one has EVER entered the Rumble at #30 and gone on to win, but several athletes have drawn a number in the first three and gone on to win. And in this day and age, if anyone can go for an hour, it's Chris Benoit.

My other predictions for the night were Evolution going over the Dudleys in the tables match, Rey Mysterio going over Jamie Noble for the Cruiserweight belt (with Nidia regaining her eyesight), Eddie Guererro taking a clean, decisive win over Chavo, Brock Lesnar to retain the WWE Championship against Hardcore Holly after a run-in by Matt Capotelli (the kid that Big Bad Bob administered a kicking to during the last season of Tough Enough), and HBK proving once again that he is the only person that Triple H will lay down for if the gold is on the line.

So, let's get on with the show, shall we?

World Tag Team Championship Tables Match
The Dudley Boys vs. Ric Flair and Batista (c)

Nice way to start the show, the Dudleys always generate a nice pop and get the crowd going.

The showing of the footage of The Coach being 3D'd through the table immediately makes me think that he's going to be involved in the finish of this one.

Batista is slowly but surely getting more comfortable on the mic...and his cheap heat tactics worked pretty well here. I would have rather seen a Flair promo, of course, but nevermind.

Good grief, we're two minutes into the match, and we've only just had the opening bell!

Ah, no-one talks trash like Bubba Ray Dudley!

Hey, what's this 'one member of a team through the table to win' bullshit? I always thought BOTH men had to go through. I point out to Joe that this is so that no matter what the outcome, Flair won't be getting any wood. Joe is all over that one, stating that at Flair's age, he couldn't get wood without the aid of Viagra.

You really would have thought by now that someone as experienced as Flair would have learned by now that he is NEVER going to hit a move off the top rope!

I called this! Coach comes down to ringside and provides the distraction, allowing Batista to give D-Von a monstrous spinebuster that shatters the table. Not a bad match, I suppose...but a little rushed, and definitely not worth using the tables gimmick on.

We cut backstage to John Cena cutting a rap about how he's going to win the Rumble...and we are treated to a superb interruption by RVD! This caused me to hop up and down in my seat and cheer along with the fans in attendance...if you can get your hands on a tape of the show, it's worth it just to see RVD standing there grinning for about five seconds before delivering his line...and for Cena's response. Now THAT was cool!

Cruiserweight Championship Match
Jamie Noble (w/ Nidia) vs. Rey Mysterio (c)

This should be good, these guys always work well together.

Hilarious to hear Tazz correcting Michael Cole all over the place regarding Nidia looking on!

Mysterio just plain rules. The man has more energy in one exchange of moves than half the roster has in a year's worth of Pay Per Views.

Nidia accidentally caught Noble's leg...or did she?

Man, that was another short match. Did I just hear myself say Three Minutes!?

Eddie Guererro vs. Chavo Guererro (w/ Chavo Guererro Sr)
This takes me back...wasn't it 10 years ago when Bret and Owen Hart were doing something similar?

Excellent video package to recap the feud...the WWE has some of the best production guys in the business, they do this sort of thing better than just about anybody, regardless of their branch of the media.

I hope that Eddie has another of the Guererro clan in his corner!

Deafening 'Eddie' chants. Hey, Eddie, how does it feel to be the most over man in the company right now?

Two great signs in the crowd here - "Battle Of The Mexes" and (for more personal reasons) "Dave 3:16"!

Thumb to the eye! It's such a simple move, but it's absolutely hilarious when it's done well...as it was by Eddie here!

A nice sequence of moves between the two of them here...ended with them both spilling out of the ring.

Michael Cole is SO Tazz' s bitch!

Eddie gets the clean pin, and is clearly destined for bigger and better things. For a feud and split that they spent such a long time building, they sure blew it off quickly. But if it's going to get Eddie upwardly mobile, it's okay with me. Once again, this should've been a longer match, but it was good for what it was.

Oh, wait...we're not done! Now this is what the people wanted to see, Chavo getting beaten down, Latino Heat style!

Chavo Sr. getting tied to the bottom rope by his tie was hilarious...Joe pointed out that Chavo Sr. looks like Cheech Marin.

The crowd were stunned into silence when Eddie dragged Chavo over to his dad by the nose and mouth...that was a pretty strong image there. But a bit more of a beatdown to Los Chavos later, Eddie's music plays and the crowd popped big style! Eddie did exactly what he said he would to Chavo, and that would appear to be the end of this feud.

We cut backstage to see Chris Benoit being interviewed... but he also gets interrupted, this time by Evolution (w/o Triple H). What is it with Raw superstars interrupting Smackdown interviews tonight?

Ah, a classic Flair rant. You know it's a good night whenever you get to see one of those!

Randy Orton is drinking champagne before going into the Royal Rumble...I hope he's drawn a really late number so he has time to sober up before mixing it up in there!

WWE Championship Match
Brock Lesnar (c) vs. Hardcore Holly

I still don't know why Hardcore Holly is main eventing. If he hadn't been such a dick in his original match against Brock, he wouldn't have gotten his neck broken. Important safety tip, Bob...If you're going to work stiff with a rookie and try to jerk him around in the ring, make sure that rookie isn't a former NCAA Champion, and more importantly, make sure he's not twice the size of you!

Both guys are working stiff here. Has Holly learned nothing?

They mention Hardcore's wife leaving him. Is that the DivaT formerly known as BB? Or was BB the real reason Bob's wife left him? At this point, Joe wishes out loud that I was more of a mark sometmes!

Observe all the power and resilience Lesnar displays...he is a genuinely scary dude!

The crowd are absolutely dead for this one...it's a bit better watching this one at home, as we can hear Tazz doing a stellar job of putting over the wear down / rest holds.

A sign in the crowd saying "Cock Molestor" is the best thing in this match so far.

The crowd popped very well for the F5...isn't Lesnar supposed to be a heel? 1-2-3 and the Hardcore Holly experiment is over.

So now we're less than an hour in, and four of our five undercard matches are done with. Is Triple H really egotistical enough to put himself in a match with his friend for an hour? We cut backstage to see Triple H taping himself up, and HBK praying. I sometimes wonder what he's praying for.

World Heavyweight Championship Last Man Standing Match
Triple H (c) vs. 'The Heartbreak Kid' Shawn Michaels

Loud WOO! from the crowd for Shawn Michaels applying the Figure Four. This reminds me of something my girlfriend's brother pointed out to me when I met him in the States...The knife-edge chop is the only move in professional wrestling that gets the crowd to shout out an individual wrestlers' tagline, no matter who is delivering the move! Even Spike Dudley can perform a chop, and the crowd will automatically 'WOO!' in an almost Pavlovian reaction!

Loud BOO! From the crowd as the two were brawling on the announce tables, but no-one went through them! Dammit, we want a table spot!

And boy, did we ever get one. HBK attempts a springboard cross body from the ring apron to Triple H on the floor...Hunter dodges and Shawn crashes and burns through the Spanish Announce Table. I'm a little miffed, as this means Joe correctly predicted the first man through the SAT, and under the terms of our agreement, I head off to the kitchen to make the coffee, but that was a great looking bump from HBK.

Looks like another sick blade job from HBK. Only Flair does them better.

NO-ONE sells better than HBK. I can definitely see how he influenced Jeff Hardy's style from this showing.

Hooray! The first Foreign Object of the night (if you don't count the tables in the first match) is brought into play as HHH grows frustrated and uses a chair on the now profusely bleeding HBK.

Just spotted Michaels has a nasty cut on his knuckle, and he's checking his hand...I think he must've messed up stashing his blade.

That was a great looking chairshot from HBK...I'd even go as far as to call it Sweet Chair Music !!

I never get tired of seeing Shawn deliver his elbow from the top rope!

And the crowd are going justifiably nuts as Shawn tunes up the band...and an innovative counter from Triple H as he goes low, and Shawn is suddenly speaking an octave higher.

Now Michaels slaps on a sleeper...what a great idea. This match is actually full of good storytelling and psychology.

Nice Flair Flip from HBK, and an equally nice reversal of Hunters' back suplex from the top.

HHH hits the Pedigree! GET UP, SHAWN!

Michaels is up...and hits the Sweet Chin Music out of nowhere...but collapses, exhausted. COME ON! GET UP, SHAWN!

WHAT THE F**K IS THIS!? The crowd break into boos, followed by a VERY loud 'bullshit' chant...and I'm inclined to agree. The chants get so loud, that they have to go over the top of the live audio when they show the replay of the closing moments of the match. The crowd are justifiably angry at the non-decision, but I suppose this means we're in for another rematch down the line.

HBK walking out under his own steam was a great touch, and will no doubt be brought up in the future.

Reading back over my notes, it was HBK that made this match look as good as it did. Triple H was just kinda there.

The Royal Rumble

Another great video package starts us off...and it's a cause of great joy to see JR and Tazz will be calling the action. I get the feeling that these two are going to really click together, even if JR did once smash a jar of candy over Tazz's head!

Fink runs down the rules...but gets interrupted by Eric Bischoff. Is he suicidal? He's badmouthing ECW and Paul Heyman in Pennsylvania!

Naturally, this brings Paul Heyman out from the back! GO HEYMAN! They tussle for a little as Heyman leaps on Bisch without even saying a word!

The glass breaks. Sigh. The corners will stood upon, stunners will be hit all round and beer will be drunk. It's going to take more than a quad bike to freshen up the Rattlesnake.

Stunner to Bischoff. Austin gives a beer to Heyman. Stunner to Heyman, who sold it a hundred times better than Bischoff. For a non-wrestler, Heyman takes some decent bumps and punishment for his art. Just shows you how much he truly Loves this business.

Austin hops back on his quad bike and buggers off. Of course, now he's driving under the influence. Doesn't he know what happened to Ozzy Osbourne on one of those things?

First Randy Orton, now Steve Austin being irresponsible with alcohol. Joe wonders aloud whether Austin used an open hand or a closed fist on Debra.

Lesnar and Goldberg butt heads backstage. I smell a Wrestlemania match in the making.

The Royal Rumble (Really, this time)

Having the entry number alongside the entrant's name is a very nice touch, it's a shame no-one thought of that in previous years!

Benoit is number one, as we know...although Randy Orton as number two was a surprise. I call that these two will be the last two guys in the ring.

90 seconds between entries? Hey, I want my two-minute gaps! What's with the cut-down versions of traditional matches tonight?

Mark Henry is in at number three, and so far JR has called every entrant one of the favourites.

That stopped at number four with the entrance of Tajiri. Joe calls him to be the first eliminated, and I agree with him.

Tazz saying that Mark Henry has a head like a farm animal was absolutely hilarious!

Bradshaw is in at number five, and no-one really seems to care as he still sucks. At least he was eliminated quickly, as Joe and I miss our prediction that Tajiri would be out first.

Rhyno, entering at number six, going straight for Benoit was a nice touch. It's called continuity, in case you didn't recognise it on a WWE show.

GREEN MIST to Henry...and Tajiri trying to apply the tarantula was superb! Pity it lead to his elimination, though.

Matt Hardy in at seven, Scott Steiner at eight...and Steiner sounds much more impressive with Tazz calling all his suplexes and throws by their correct names, rather than simply having JR yelling 'that was a Hellacious suplex!'

Matt Morgan's in at nine, and he too goes straight for Benoit and delivers an impressive spinning powerbomb.

The one third mark gives us The Hurricane, causing both me and Joe to mark out like children. We genuinely Love this guy, and find him hilarious both in the ring and on the mic. But then, we're both big comic book fans!

And he used a poke in the eye, the funniest move in all of wrestling!

Morgan launches Hurricane from the ring, to the boos of the live crowd, and to the utter disappointment of me and Joe.

Number eleven is Booker T, and there are still seven men in the ring. We're due some eliminations soon.

And here they come...number twelve is Kane! He decimates everyone.

HOLY SHIT! THE GONG! THE UNDERTAKER'S GONG! It goes dark for a brief second, and we experience the genuine mark out moment of the night so far as Joe and I visibly leap forwards in our chairs, and we scream with delight at the TV!

What? Kane eliminated without eliminating ANYONE!?

Oh...Spike was the REAL #13...and he just got chokeslammed to Hell out on the ramp. It might take him a while to get to the ring now!

Number fourteen is Rikishi, and JR says that he has the pedigree to win. Joe - "He doesn't know anything, Triple H has the pedigree!"

Spike has vanished from the ramp. I guess he's not coming out to play after all.

The halfway point is marked by the arrival...and swift departure of Rene Dupree. He did manage to get rid of Matt Hardy before he went, though.

A-Train is number sixteen...and he's shaved his chin. I guess he's slowly working up to doing his back.

Number seventeen is Shelton Benjamin...and the cameras are so busy watching his entrance that we miss A-Train being eliminated by Chris Benoit. Bad direction on the part of WWE, there. That's six eliminations for Benoit so far, although one of them was shared with Rhyno.

Benoit and Orton are now alone in the ring, and I hold on to my prediction that they will be the last two men in the match.

A clash of heads sees both men knocked down just as number eighteen joins the fray...and it's The Cat. This just absolutely killed all the heat that the crowd had, and no-one really gave a toss about him dancing around with his butler. Thankfully, Orton and Benoit regain their wits and put an end to this shameful spectacle.

Number nineteen is Kurt Angle, who gets a huge pop and jump-starts the crowd. Good idea to bring him out after The Cat's embarrassing display.

Number twenty is Rico, who appears to be wearing Brutus Beefcake's cast-off tights, and took his makeup tips for tonight from the Ultimate Warrior.

Number twenty-one is Test...but he's not coming out. We cut backstage, and we see Austin standing over a fallen Test, yelling at his assailant that he will have to take his place in the Rumble. You know, I think it might be a Nice Day after all.

MICK FOLEY! MICK F'N FOLEY! Joe called this exactly right, and I mark out even harder than I did for the gong. For those who don't know, Mick is my favourite wrestler of all time!

Foley heads to the ring and singles out Orton, beating him silly and even finding time to give us a 'Bang! Bang!' before taking both himself and Orton out of the match with a Cactus Clothesline. But it's not over between them...Foley continues to take Orton to the woodshed for a while, choking him with cables and then going for the ring steps. Foley accidentally nails who I thought was an official, but it turned out to be Ric Flair as he and Batista have arrived at ringside to help their cohort.

No-one, and I mean NO-ONE takes a chairshot like Mick Foley. Orton used the distraction to absolutely nail Mick with a wicked shot. They brawl up the ramp, and Mick starts to get the upper hand just as Nunzio comes in at number twenty-three. The cameras stayed focussed on the brawl the whole time, so we missed Christian coming in at number twenty-two.

Nunzio gets a very brief taste of the Mandible Sock before Orton clips Foley from behind and heads backstage...with Foley in hot pursuit!

Nunzio sits down at ringside, having no interest whatsoever in getting in the ring whilst there's so many others in there.

Big Show enters at number twenty-four, and Tazz immediately points out that Show is his pick to win. Why does the heel / colour guy always pick the biggest man in the match to win? Yokozuna was the only man who ever pulled that off.

Jericho is in at number twenty-five, and for the second year in a row, he eliminates Christian. I smell their blossoming feud finally bearing fruit here...are you taking notes, Ellen?

Charlie Haas is out as number twenty-six. Hey ho.

Billy Gunn comes out in the number twenty-seven slot, and garnered absolutely no reaction, despite delivering Fame-Assers to Benoit, Angle and Show. I think the only person in the world who was impressed was Joe, who had never seen a Fame-Asser before and thought it was an impressive move.

Number twenty-eight rolls around...and it's time for a lesson in Basic Thuganomics as John Cena joins us. He spots Nunzio pulling a Jerry Lawler and not entering the ring and jaw-jacks with him for a second. Nunzio does his 'hands sweeping out from under the chin' gesture (which my best friend Dan reliably informs me means 'You're nothing, you don't matter', and I guess he'd know as he's half Italian.), and Cena returns the favour with a 'You can't see me!' wave, before picking The Artist Formerly Known As Little Guido up and throwing him into the ring before entering himself.

In a hilarious moment, Nunzio wrapped himself around Show's leg and tried to eliminate him single handedly!

Rob Van Dam is number twenty-nine, and JR once again refers to him as the best wrestler never to win a World Championship. If my prediction for the year comes true, he'll have the NWA:TNA World Championship before the end of 2004.

Number thirty rolls around, and we are joined by the man who stole A-Train's beard, Goldberg. He gets in the ring and starts destroying everyone in path.

Holy crap, that spear to Nunzio was about the best I've ever seen!

Big Bad Bill eliminates Charlie Haas, Billy Gunn and Nunzio in short order...and now he's going to give Big Show the Jackhammer...I'll be genuinely impressed if he can pull this off.

F***ing Hell! It's Brock Lesnar! He just ran in out of nowhere and F5'd Goldberg...to a big face pop!

Goldberg yells at Lesnar that he is Next...and the road to Wrestlemania is laid out before us! As he's distracted, Angle takes advantage and dumps Goldberg out of the match! I am absolutely delighted that Angle was the one who got to eliminate the other Billy G!

Now everyone goes for Big Show...he takes several finishers, and with Angle directing traffic, he, Cena, Angle, Jericho and Benoit all team up to attempt to get the big man out...but to no avail. Show rallies and takes out Cena, RVD and Jericho in short order.

Well, the winner is going to be a Smackdown superstar, as we're now left with Angle, Benoit and Show. If Angle is eliminated now, then Benoit has won this thing. If Show goes out, then I'm not quite as confident that my prediction will come true, especially since Angle dedicated the match to the US Armed Forces.

What a superb elimination! Angle had the ankle lock cinched in, Show managed to get to the ropes, get to his feet and almost literally just swung his leg over the top rope and flung Angle out, just like that!

Chris Benoit slapping on the Crossface for a little while was a good idea, just to make sure that he had gone longer than an hour!

Oh my God...Show has pressed Benoit and he's heading for the ropes...reversal! Reversal into a sort of choke...Benoit is now lying out on the ring apron, but he's still got Show round the neck...keep pulling, Chris! KEEP PULLING! YEEEESSSS!!! He's done it! Chris Benoit goes from endzone to endzone and I think he broke the longevity record in the process! The look of genuine joy and satisfaction on his face is wondrous to behold, and I am genuinely happy for the guy. Tazz and JR put him over big time, and the start of Benoit's real push into the upper echelons is well and truly on. And it's about f***ing time!

As well as winning the match itself, Benoit also scored the highest number of eliminations with six and a half (he shared one with Rhyno). Randy Orton got five, Big Show got four, Goldberg took three, Booker T and Mick Foley (if you count him eliminating himself) bagged a brace each, Matt Morgan, Rene Dupree, Rikishi, Chris Jericho and Kurt Angle scored one each, and Rhyno can be credited with half an elimination for his part in eliminating Tajiri. You could also credit Kane with eliminating Spike Dudley if you like, but I'm not going to mention it here as Spike never officially entered the match. Except I just did...oh, bugger!

So, that was the Royal Rumble. The Rumble match itself was one of the best I've ever seen, topped only by 1992 in my eyes. The event as a whole was let down by a hurried undercard, and a non-finish in the Last Man Standing match. Furthermore, the PPV ended a good 15 minutes early. This isn't acceptable when I have paid to be entertained for three hours. Why couldn't a bit more time have been found for the Cruiserweights or the Guererros, rather than ending the thing early? This was remarkably bad planning on the part of the WWE higher ups.

As overjoyed as I am to see Benoit win the Rumble, I am slightly concerned about his jump to Raw to potentially face Triple H for the World Championship at Wrestlemania XX. I can only see this going the same way that practically every other challenge to Triple H has gone, with the final defeat of the challenger and the killing off of any momentum they may have been building. I sincerely hope that Shawn Michaels somehow gets the title from Triple H before Wrestlemania, as a Benoit-Michaels match is far more appealing than a Benoit - Triple H encounter.

However, if they go with Lesnar - Goldberg at Wrestlemania, this will be an extremely good omen for Benoit to pick up the win. It's no secret that Goldberg will be just about done with WWE by the time 'Mania rolls around, so there is no way that WWE will let him go over Lesnar in one half of the main event. On the other hand, there is no way that WWE are going to want to sent the fans home unhappy from the biggest Sports-Entertainment show in the history of the business, so that would indicate a feelgood win for Benoit is on the cards, no matter who his opponent turns out to be.

One final point...I managed to correctly predict the outcomes of all except one of the matches, even if the circumstances were different to how I imagined. Predictability is not a good thing...we like to be surprised once in a while!

This edition of Foreign Object was brought to you by: -

Ellen Amy Cohen - You are the most amazing woman I have ever met, and I will always Love you.

The huge pile of candy I brought back from the States...I am the great Cornholio!

Motorhead's cover version of 'Enter Sandman' from the 'ECW Extreme Music' Album

Lars, Jay, Michael and Matt, simply for being my most faithful Foreigners, and reading my work week in and week out!

Matt 'Tanc' Tancock - Good to hear from you again, my friend! Stay in touch!

Quality Donuts - A small diner in Bronx, NY, where they have the best banana and nut muffins you'll ever taste!

Join me next time when I'll be writing about...oh, I dunno. Let's just see what the next ten days or so bring us, shall we?

Feedback? Questions? Comments? Bring 'em on! You can reach me at : - metal.head@zoom.co.uk

Until next time, you've been clocked with a Foreign Object. Take care and have fun!

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