The Best Damn Wrestling Column Period
By The Shining Wizard [ the_shining_wizard@hotmail.com ]

ROUNDTABLE: THE RETURN OF THE UNDERTAKER
"It is better to debate a question without settling it than to settle it without debate." — Joseph Joubert (French philosopher)

WrestleMania is just a couple of days away and I can't wait. I feel like a little kid on Christmas Eve. I've thought about why this year's event seems like such a big deal, and I think it's more than just the fact that it's the 20th anniversary of WrestleMania. I really think it's because WWE has done a great job of building toward all of the big matches on the card.

	Which Undertaker will return at WrestleMania XX?

There has been a lot of legitimate criticism over the past two years about WWE trying to throw big matches together with little or no story line build-up, but they got it right this time. At least six of the eight feature matches have been brewing since the Royal Rumble, some all the way back to Survivor Series.

One of the most anticipated and longest brewing matches will be the Undertaker vs. Kane. I think the appeal here is that there are so many question marks. Are we going to get the supernatural Undertaker or the Satanic Undertaker? Will he be on RAW or Smackdown? Will he be a face or a heel? Internet fans are used to knowing so much about all the angles that when WWE actually manages to keep some secrets from us, it's pretty exciting.

Since there has been so much secrecy, I thought the return of the Undertaker would be a great topic to examine. But rather than merely speculate, I thought it'd be interesting to get three fans together from across the United States along with one from the UK and have them argue it out. So that's what I did. The Best Damn Wrestling Column Period is now proud to present its first ever Roundtable Discussion, moderated by your Shining Wizard. Let's begin by meeting our roundtablers.

Name: Ben  Age: 18  Hometown: Portland, OR  Occupation: Student  Favorite wrestler: Kurt Angle Favorite bands: Smashing Pumpkins, Cat Stevens, Sublime Last book read: Ishmael Most coveted superpower: The power to kick evil ass, Hurricane-style!

First name: Fred  Age: 15  Hometown: Edison, NJ  Occupation: Student  Favorite wrestler: Bret Hart Favorite bands: Papa Roach, Linkin Park, Yellowcard Last book read: To Kill a Mockingbird Most coveted superpower: The ability to freeze time

First Name: George  Age: 21  Hometown: Dundee, Scotland  Occupation: Warehouse manager  Favorite wrestler: Shawn Michaels Favorite bands: Smashing Pumpkins, Rolling Stones, Foo Fighters Last book read: The Lord of The Rings Most coveted superpower: X-ray vision

Name: Jeff  Age: 21  Hometown: Denver, CO  Occupation: Student  Favorite wrestler: The Undertaker Favorite bands: I listen to everything except country. Last book read: Ten Little Indians Most coveted superpower: Invisibility

Our roundtablers started with how to book the Undertaker's return match at WrestleMania. Before they could even get to the match itself, though, they had to decide which Undertaker would come out from behind the curtain. There was a quick consensus that the original undead supernatural Undertaker probably wouldn't fly into today's wrestling world.

"If they bring back the Taker as he was in the early '90s, no one will take him or the story line seriously," George said. "The whole American Bad-Ass thing put him into a different light, and there's no way anyone could take him seriously if he returned to the 'zombie-like' Taker of that time. The only believable way for him to come back would be as the Satanic 'Corporation' Taker. I personally believe that this was his most effective role for the company. It showed off his ability to play a character as well as tell a story."

Sounds good. So does our Satanic Undertaker win or lose on Sunday? We began with two votes for a win and two votes for a loss.

	Taker always has time to promote testicular self-exams.

Ben pointed out the Undertaker's streak. "No way should anyone ever defeat Taker at Wrestlemania," he said. "What's he at now, 11-0? I don't care if he somehow winds up in a title match at Wrestlemania XXX, he should never job on that one night. Even to someone as deserving as Kane. Taker's streak is too important."

But is the Undertaker's streak more important than character development? "Kane deserves to beat Taker at WrestleMania," George argued. "He has been one of the company's best athletes for a while, but he hasn't quite found that niche to take him to the next level."

Fred said, "Undertaker CAN'T lose cleanly to Kane at WrestleMania. He's coming back from the freaking dead here. The only possible way for him to lose is by Vinnie Mac interference."

And with that, our roundtablers were on to something.

"Alright, if Vince does come in and botch the match, then Undertaker can lose," Jeff agreed. "The fans can understand that. BUT, a clean loss for the Undertaker is just out of the question."

It makes sense. After all, the Undertaker only lost his Buried Alive match at Survivor Series because of a secret alliance between Kane and Mr. McMahon. So it would make sense that Vince would be #2 on the Undertaker's hit list. Vince would know this and therefore have a particular interest in making sure Kane destroyed the Undertaker at WrestleMania. Plus interference from Vince presents a natural segue into the Undertaker's next big feud.

Now will Vince's interference actually cost the Undertaker his WrestleMania match and end his win streak, or merely present an annoying roadblock on the way to WrestleMania victory #12? To answer this question, our roundtablers first had to decide the Undertaker's future beyond WrestleMania.

CHOOSING A HOME

Before our roundtablers could talk about feuds or story lines, they had to agree on what brand the Undertaker would join. To make things a little tougher, I made them argue under the pretense that the Undertaker would join one brand and stick with it, and no other wrestlers would be traded between brands in order to feud with the Undertaker. The only person in the company we agreed who can float between brands is Mr. McMahon.

So our roundtablers had a real dilemma. On the one hand, RAW has Kane and most of our roundtablers wanted to see the Undertaker/Kane feud continue beyond WrestleMania. Plus, as George pointed out, RAW offers some new story line possibilities for the Undertaker. "We've seen him feud with Angle, Lesnar and Big Show a bunch of times," he said. "How about we see him feud with the likes of Benoit, Orton and, for a change, Shawn Michaels?"

But on the other hand, Smackdown needs star power. "As long as RAW has Batista, Christian and Jericho curtain-jerking and Smackdown has Rhyno vs. Bob Holly on a PPV, Smackdown will need star power," Ben said. "Seriously. Smackdown needs a booster shot of attention and Undertaker would give it just that."

Jeff put it a little more bluntly. "When you have Chavo in main events, something is terribly wrong," he pointed out. "They need someone huge. And no matter how much I hate Smackdown, and how boring it is, Undertaker will change all of that."

But then again, our roundtablers came up with some great potential angles for the Undertaker on RAW. Now that Stone Cold can no longer compete, it wouldn't hurt to use him to put over the Undertaker and help reestablish his dominance.

HBK won the original Hell in a Cell match in 1997 due to interference from Kane.

Shawn Michaels and the Undertaker go way back. Maybe Shawn is still bitter over the fact that the near-career-ending problems with his back stem from a casket match with the Undertaker at the 1998 Royal Rumble. Maybe the Undertaker's Satanic tendencies clash a bit with HBK's faith in God. Maybe the two want to settle things in the match they both invented: Hell in a Cell.

Perhaps the most exciting potential angle on RAW, however, is with Randy Orton. We all know that in real life, the Undertaker is most likely coming back for one last hurrah. We also know that when you leave the WWE, you do so on your back. When Mick Foley retired, he put over Triple H. When Shawn Michaels thought he was retiring, he put over Stone Cold. When the Rock took off to film his latest movie, he put over Goldberg. So at some point, the Undertaker is going to have one last feud with someone who will ultimately beat him. Orton calls himself the "legend killer" and what bigger legend to kill than a rejuvenated Undertaker? And what better young name to propel into the main event than Randy Orton?

But our roundtablers felt that these great angles would most likely come at the expense of Smackdown's ratings. And it's not like there's no competition for the Undertaker on Thursday nights.

John Cena has the potential to have a great feud with anyone. The fans love Cena, so if the Undertaker was positioned against him as a monster heel, the angle could do really well. Maybe the Undertaker remembers mentoring Cena during his first few weeks in the company in 2002 and then later wrestling him at Vengeance last year and losing the rematch. The Undertaker decides to put together a stable and, remembering all this, tries to recruit Cena. Cena says no and the Undertaker decides that anyone who isn't with him is against him. (He is from Texas after all.)

Edge is also set to return after WrestleMania. When he was injured last year, he was on the cusp of a push toward the World Title. A feud with the Undertaker would certainly help regain some of that momentum. Their story line could also draw from the fact that Edge got one of his initial big breaks in WWE as part of the Undertaker's Ministry of Darkness.

But the big money feud on Smackdown is with Eddie Guerrero. We know that wrestling fans love to cheer for the underdog, and when you pit a 5' 8" champion against a 6' 10" challenger who also weighs an extra 100 lbs, that's what you get. But what really makes this angle interesting is the background of the competitors. Eddie has been very open about his "inner demons" and the fact that he is now a recovering addict trying to do the right thing for his wife and kids. So imagine how much heat the Undertaker could generate by trying to destroy all that Eddie has worked for and bring him over to the "dark side" by personifying those demons that Eddie still struggles with.

In the end, even though our roundtablers thought that the better feuds were on RAW, they felt that it was more important to use the Undertaker's return as a shot in the arm for Smackdown. Since Kane is on RAW, his feud with the Undertaker will need to wrap up at WrestleMania so they can each go back to their respective shows and move on to something new. Therefore, our roundtablers have booked a decisive victory for the Undertaker at WrestleMania despite interference from Mr. McMahon. The Undertaker than chases Vince back to Smackdown.

But before we could get into specific booking ideas, our roundtablers had to tackle the issue of whether to bring back the Undertaker as a face or a heel, and when to switch him to the other.

HEEL OR FACE?

Many fans are very excited for the Undertaker's return. There is probably nothing he can do at WrestleMania to get booed. The problem, though, is that the Undertaker's gimmick is inherently heelish. "How can we have a 'nice evil Undertaker'?" Jeff wondered. "It just doesn't seem right to me. His character is naturally heel."

	"The Passion of the Stone Cold" from RAW in Dec. 1998.

"The fans will cheer Taker no matter what he does, but only for a time," Ben said. "I figure that once everyone is accustomed to his return, say six months down the road, he can safely turn heel without getting too much of a face reaction. For WWE to take advantage of Taker's remaining active years, they need him to put over young stars. The best way to do that is with him as a heel."

And with this our roundtablers agreed. There's no point in repeating the spectacle of WrestleMania X-8 where the fans were so ready to cheer for Hulk Hogan despite his bad-guy character that they almost forced the Rock into a heel turn. Why put the Undertaker's opponents in that type of situation? He can easily feud against Kane and Vince as a face, but then a few months down the line turn heel and ultimately give the rub to an up-and-coming face on his way out.

The problem then is how to turn the Undertaker into a heel. Hogan was supposed to be a heel in 2002 and the fans wouldn't have it. Stone Cold's heel turn in 2001 failed for the same reason. "The fans didn't want to hate me," Austin wrote in "The Stone Cold Truth." "It just didn't work." WWE knows that it can no longer turn anyone into a heel simply by aligning them with other heels (usually Vince or Paul Heyman) or having them attack established faces (usually Jim Ross or Michael Cole). So how do we avoid the same mistake with the Undertaker and ensure the fans will hate him?

One idea was to have him turn on someone we really care about, not just another announcer. "The problem with attacking Cole or Ross is they aren't really as popular as you would think," Fred said. "We just cheer them because we should."

Jeff agreed. "I think the fans will hate him if he does something terrible enough," he said. "But if he beats up someone like J.R. or the King, it won't work. Maybe they have someone in a wheelchair from the Make A Wish Foundation come down to meet a WWE superstar. Then the Undertaker comes out and kicks him out, lights his chair on fire, and kidnaps him. That may be a little extreme, but the Undertaker will have to do something extreme to be hated."

"I totally agree with Jeff on this one," George said. "The Undertaker is going to have to do something pretty severe to get the fans to hate him. The way I see it is if he kicks the living hell out of Edge. When Edge comes back, maybe have him involved in an Undertaker match in some way, where he either interferes or gets a bigger pop than Taker, which would majorly piss Taker off. Then you team up Edge and the Undertaker (possibly against the Bashams) and have the Undertaker turn on him during the match. This way, Taker could introduce the Bashams into his new stable, and set up a feud with one of the top faces on Smackdown."

Which brings us to our next idea for a successful heel turn: the reformation of the Ministry of Darkness. Someone as influential as the Undertaker doesn't align himself with other heels. He gets other heels to align with him. A stable also offers the Undertaker a way to push young talent without actually competing against them.

So who benefits from joining the Undertaker's ministry? Jeff had originally proposed names as big as Edge and John Cena. Ben wasn't so sure, though. "Why waste Edge and Cena in a new Ministry?," Ben asked. "Whoever is in a stable with Taker will get over, be it Angle and Lesnar or Funaki and Rue. Instead of using Cena and Edge who the fans already dig, why not bring out Rhyno or Sean O'Haire or someone that could use a push in a stable. They could also bring Seven and Bane up from OVW, both of whom have a bit of a devilish look."

"I'd give him a two-man group that would be a tag team," Fred said. "O'Haire definitely and somebody else young. I would say Kanyon but he's already long gone. Paul London is a possibility though he is a bit smallish. But I think his gimmicklessness would allow him to join the Ministry and eventually become like an Edge or Christian."

The new Ministry? From left: Doug Basham, Seven, Mideon, Rhyno, Sean O'Haire, and Danny Basham.

"O'Haire is a lock," Ben agreed. "Hopefully he goes back to his 'I'm only telling you what you already know' schtick. I'd also like to see Rhyno involved somehow, and Seven and Bane. Since Mideon is now under contract, he'll surely be involved in some capacity. Having Undertaker, O'Haire, Rhyno, Mideon, Seven and Bane would be interesting. I also like having the Bashams minus Shaniqua in the mix. Their psycho bondage routine could play well with the Ministry's edginess. That's getting to be a large stable, though. Maybe O'Haire, Seven and Bane could be a new Brood-like stable. Distinct from the Ministry itself, but under the same wing."

In the end our roundtablers agreed that a new Ministry would be beneficial both for an Undertaker heel turn as well as to give a push to some younger guys. The new Ministry as agreed upon by our roundtablers includes Sean O'Haire, Rhyno, Mideon, Doug and Danny Bashem, and Seven. If needed, Bane and Paul London could be future additions.

TYING IT ALL TOGETHER

Alright, so we now have a Satanic Undertaker winning at WrestleMania, returning to Smackdown in order to chase Vince, eventually reforming his Ministry of Darkness, and ultimately feuding with Eddie Guerrero for the World Title. I then asked the roundtablers to give us some sort of timeline for all of this. Who exactly does the Undertaker feud with on Smackdown? When does he turn heel? How long does his return last?

The timeline goes something like this. After WrestleMania, the Undertaker returns to Smackdown to even the score with Mr. McMahon. In typical Vince fashion, he throws obstacles in the Undertaker's way in a pitiful attempt to save his own skin. In this case, Vince tries to use Brock, who then becomes the Undertaker's first big opponent on Smackdown. After his feud with Vince and Brock comes to an end at SummerSlam, the Undertaker continues his face run against Kurt Angle who decides that the Undertaker is a bad influence on the fans. They settle their score at Survivor Series.

After that comes the heel turn scenario proposed earlier by George in which the Undertaker reforms his Ministry of Darkness and turns on his first face opponent, Edge. After that comes a feud with John Cena followed by an unsuccessful World Title feud with Eddie Guerrero. Guerrero finally puts the Undertaker to rest for good at WrestleMania XXI.

QUESTIONS REMAIN

The old saying goes that a camel is actually a horse designed by a committee, but I think our Roundtable Committee did a great job tackling the return of the Undertaker. I'm anxious to see what goes down in Madison Square Garden and over the following few weeks, and how closely it mirrors what our roundtablers have put together.

I'm also anxious to hear what you thought about this new article concept. Did you enjoy this debate or was it a big waste of time? Did you think the scenario our roundtablers came up with for the Undertaker was plausible? Would you like to see more wrestling issues debated by readers? If so, what kind of topics would you like to see tackled? Would you like to take part in a Roundtable Discussion yourself? If you have an answer to any of these questions, drop me a line at the_shining_wizard@hotmail.com and let me know. I'm not afraid to hear what you have to say. I'm not afraid! I'M NOT AFRAID! (Now pretend your computer is levitating.)

For previous editions of The Best Damn Wrestling Column Period, check out The Best Damn Wrestling Column Period Archive Site.

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